Deborah Howard on The Quilt of Humanity

On Sunday, October 26th, the Brooklyn Humanist Community was privileged to have our first guest speaker, Deborah Howard. Deborah gave a presentation based on her book, The Quilt of Humanity: A Metaphor for Healing and Reparation. In her book, Deborah compares humans to woven cloth, and all of humanity to a vast quilt of interconnections. The "threads" that make up each individual's personality, experiences, background and social status are all woven into a pattern that is unique to every human being. Even if two people have all the same "threads," they will manifest in a different pattern in each person.

When racism enters the picture, at the personal, cultural and systemic levels, the threads in some people's cloths are yanked and ripped out of place, leaving gaps and diminishing their opportunities. Even those in the dominant race are damaged by the privileges they receive unasked for and undeserved. This sense of privilege, albeit unconscious, cuts many of us off from experiencing the reality felt by the oppressed races. Thus, the quilt is discolored as if by a stain from spray paint.

Deborah brought up the Jewish concept of tikkun olam, the concept of repairing the world's imperfections. This was a concept I was familiar with, the idea that the creation was incomplete and imperfect, and that we humans -- all of us -- need to work toward perfecting and completing the creation, the world we have inherited. It's everyone's job, therefore, to work at repairing the quilt of humanity from the damage caused by racism.

After reading an excerpt from her book, Deborah asked us to find a person we didn't know very well and have a brief conversation about the five "threads" about ourselves we think are most important to us and also perhaps are important to others when they view us for the first time. The conversation became lively and some of us had a little trouble settling back into the group discussion mode! We reported on our experiences and everyone seemed to have gained a new insight.

Some of us shared stories about incidents from our lives. One woman, the child of an interracial marriage, shared a dream she had where she was with a number of classmates who were about to receive their grades. She reported that the blonde, blue-eyed girl in her dream would receive an A, the others would receive B's, and she, as a biracial woman, would receive a D. The symbolism was all too obvious. Another young man reported being taken aback and speechless when a woman at his college told him she was Muslim.

Then we talked about the simple things we can do to combat racism. Even if it is uncomfortable we need to speak out. I mentioned the story of a high school friend whose parents wanted her to experience a multi-racial school, so they sent her to a mostly African-American junior high school in another district. That school was underserved and the students were not performing as well academically as they could have. Specialized schools like Bronx Science had a "Discovery" program at that time to find bright students in these schools and bring them into the high school even though their test scores were a bit lower than the cutoff. So when teachers wanted to disparage African-American kids, they would talk about "those Discovery kids." Susan would always stand up and make a point of saying that she was a "Discovery kid," which would stop the teachers in their tracks.

We talked about reparations as a way of healing and repairing the quilt. Deborah pointed out that affirmative action hasn't worked. It sets up an expectation that a person of color isn't as qualified, and this gets played out in ways that damage self-esteem and whole careers.

Programs can be devised, however, to make a start at leveling the playing field on the systemic level. On the cultural level, I mentioned that the young generation (Generation Y) is much more likely to have friends across racial lines than the Baby Boomers had at their age or even now. So I see progress in the cultural arena. And, we can continue looking into ourselves and seeing where racist thinking has been ingrained in us -- again, something we didn't ask for and didn't want -- and work at eradicating it. Doing those "simple things" when a situation comes up can help.

It was an honor to have Deborah come and speak with us. She is a person well versed in law, diversity, and facilitating positive transformative change in organizations, leaders and teams. Her program was down to earth and evoked many thoughts and feelings we may not frequently explore. For more information about Deborah Howard and her work, see her website at Guiding Change .

This was a wonderful program. We had an excellent turnout, and you could feel the positive energy crackling. Many thanks to Deborah!

BHC Flea Market a Big Success!

Today the BHC held our first fundraising event at the outdoor flea market in the PS 321 schoolyard. Antoinette and Michael took the lead, picking up merchandise from various members, and making the arrangements.

Kudos to them, and also kudos to Adriana, Ruth and Annette who helped out in the morning, and to Celeste, Jason, Antoinette, Robin and Adriana who helped in the afternoon. Bruce and Michael were manning the table all day long so extra special thanks to them. Thanks also to Robin and Bonnie and all who contributed sales items, as well as to Tony who brought merchandise to the flea market.

The morning was chilly, the afternoon was warm, and the temperature dropped off sharply in the late afternoon. Regardless of the weather, everyone persevered. We gave out flyers with the BHC mission statement and advertising next week's monthly program with Deb Howard.

Best of all, we sold enough to increase our treasury by 26%! This moves us along on the road toward incorporation.

Tonight, we're weary but proud of our efforts. Hooray for BHC!

The Polygamous Book Club

On Sunday, October 12th, the BHC met at Sheila's for a mental trip into the shoes of polygamous families. Our discussion was based on Irene Spencer's memoir, Shattered Dreams. As each of us entered, Sheila directed us to take a name tag that identified us as a "sisterwife." The "husbands" were various toys, a Superman doll, a fake skeleton (Mr. B, presumable Mr. Bones), and a Teddy bear. A tiny "child" Teddy bear was the youngest in a huge family of 76 children and had no idea who his real mother was.

We discussed whether polygamy could work for any of us provided we had enough material wealth to be able to live comfortably, with the only drawback being that we would not have our husband's full attention or his exclusive sexuality. Other questions Sheila raised was whether polygamy is moral, and who has the right to decide it should be illegal?

Antoinette pointed out that the ancient Greeks and Romans did not have polygamous marriages but practiced homosexuality, which obviously provided men with an alternate outlet for their desires. Polygamy gained a foothold in societies where there was a scarcity of men.

My feelings were that polygamy as it was described in Spencer's book was a hardship and a heartbreak for the people involved in it, who continued because of their religious brainwashing to believe it would lead to great rewards (godhood and goddesshood) in the afterlife. But in this life, they were living in abject poverty, sometimes housed in chicken coops, lacking even the most basic amenities of life as it should have been in the 1940's-1970's America. Men were unable to support their huge families forcing the family to rely on public welfare in order to lead an illegal and untenable lifestyle. Women suffered jealousy, sexual and emotional deprivation, and the constant fear that their husbands would take yet another wife to spread the resources and attention even thinner.

Children suffered immensely. Their mothers were overwhelmed with huge numbers of children to raise on practically nothing. They had no choice in the matter but lived in the same abject poverty as their mothers, receiving little attention from mothers and practically none for the fathers who had to divide their attention between as many as 50 children or more.

The overwhelming majority concluded that polygamy is immoral and that the state has the right to outlaw it for the good of the citizens and also for protection of the public coffers which suffer when people enter a living arrangement that ensures they cannot be self-supporting.

It was a fascinating and stimulating discussion. The two men, Bruce and Michael, provided much insight as well. Kudos to Sheila for another excellent book club, and for her wonderful hostessing!

The next book club will be on November 2nd at 1:30 PM and we'll be discussing The Giver by Lois Lowry.

October Reflection on Emerson

On Saturday evening, October 11th, we met at Maureen's apartment for our monthly Reflection with Dr. Kurt Johnson. Our topic was based on the writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson. Constance read us a brief biography of Mr. Emerson, and we read over several pages of his quotes. As we usually do, people picked a quote of particular interest to them and discussed it. Kurt is a wonderful resource of additional information to fill in and explain what lies behind the readings for our Reflections.

To give everyone a chance to speak uninterrupted, we passed a "talking stick" that was actually a candlestick sans candle. At the closing go-around, when it was passed to me, I spoke into it as if it were a microphone, and this started the group giggling. We just went into gales of laughter for a few moments as each of us pretended the candlestick was a live mike.

It's so good to seek the higher ground and explore these enriching resources together. And laughter is very healing.

Thanks to Kurt and Constance for putting the program together, and thanks to Maureen for being a great hostess. Maureen has offered to host our November Reflection (scheduled for November 15th) as well. Kudos, Maureen!

The Ethics of Lying

This afternoon we met at the Kensington Library to hear Tony's talk on "The Ethics of Lying," followed by Constance's colloquy on the theme "Truth." As always, Tony regaled us with some funny one-liners and then some humorous and thought-provoking quotes on lying. Then he launched into the main body of his talk, in which he analyzed various types of lies. He spoke about bald-faced lies, where it's obvious to both parties that one of them is lying. My question would be, then why bother?

There are lies of commission and lies of omission, verbal and nonverbal lies. One example of a nonverbal lie (or deception, as one of our newcomers preferred) would be wearing the religious symbol of a religion not one's own, thus fooling people into thinking you are a member of that creed. Impersonating an officer is not only a nonverbal lie, it's a crime.

There are some lies that are "noble" and can be considered ethical since they harm no one and work to someone's benefit. An example of this might be the deception carried on by Miep Gies and the other helpers who hid Anne Frank and her family from the Nazis. As Tony pointed out, to decide whether a lie is ethical or unethical, you have to look at the context and the intent behind the lie.

We discussed campaign lies and lies in religious doctrine, social lies that avoid hurting feelings, and so on. Remi brought up myths and told us that sometimes children ask whether a myth is a true story. While technically it isn't because it never happened in real life, the myth can be true in another way, in that it has symbolic or emotional content that is very real. I mentioned that primates have been observed in the wild "lying" by their actions, fooling each other into believing, for instance, that there is no more food left when they don't want to share.

We took a short break and then switched gears for Constance's colloquy on "Truth." Using Dr. Arthur Dobrin's book, Spelling God With Two O's, we read a passage on Truth and a parable, and then had a Quaker-style meeting where everyone was welcome to speak up and say whatever the readings moved us to say.

Once again, our warmth, camaraderie, and thoughtful consideration of the topic made this a memorable afternoon. And that's no lie!

Time Out New York

The Brooklyn Humanist Community has made the big time! "Time Out New York" interviewed Tony about his upcoming talk on "The Ethics of Lying," and published a short article based on his explanation of most acceptable to least acceptable types of lies. You can find the article here: "The Ethics of Lying" and hear Tony's talk at the Kensington Branch of the Brooklyn Public Library on Sunday, September 21st at 1 PM.

September Reflection

On Saturday night, we gathered at Ruth S.'s apartment for our September reflection with Dr. Kurt Johnson. Constance was researching a Dorothy Thompson online and unexpectedly stumbled across several Humanist Poems by a Dr. Dorothy B. Thompson, a completely different person. We based our discussion around them.

Dr. Thompson's poems, written in the 1930's or so, were in perfect sync with the type of humanism that flourished in that era: a complete denial of religion, and a surety that science and nature are all that there is. As Kurt pointed out, that era was heavily invested in either/or thinking, and today we are moving past that. Science and spirituality can co-exist, just as the physicists have put their argument over the nature of light to rest: "Is light a wave, or is it a particle? It's both, dammit!"

While I agree with Dr. Thompson about religious dogma, I don't agree with her attitude. Her poems portray an arrogant scientist looking down on those foolish people who believe in God, calling their beliefs "ant faith."

I mentioned the book I read recently about evolution, Only a Theory. While the author showed a number of examples that provide very clear evidence of evolution as the answer to the riddle of species origin and gradual change, he also calls himself a Christian and does not say there can't be a grand design, but he does say, we can't simply explain away anything we don't understand by calling it "intelligent design," because to do so is unscientific and a denial of what has already been researched and subjected to experimentation.

His conclusion is that the "intelligent designers" are not only creationists in sheeps' clothing, but that their ultimate aim is not just to discredit evolution. Their own documents show that their intent is to bring down the scientific method and replace it with Christian dogma. That's a frightening thought, and if Dr. Thompson had read this book her poems might have been even more vehemently anti-God and anti-religion.

We talked about how moving away from that either/or dichotomy can be seen playing itself out in politics as well.

The food was delicious as always, and the company was delightful. We have two more events this week, a planning meeting on Thursday evening, and Tony's talk on "The Ethics of Lying" on Sunday afternoon. Our second season is off to a great start!