June Reflection

Last night 10 of us met at Antoinette and Michael's home for another Reflection evening with Dr. Kurt Johnson. As usual the food was excellent. There was a huge salad with tiny mozzarellas, roasted red peppers, and tomatoes. We had barbecued chicken, couscous with vegetables, antipasta, and pepperoni and blue cheese. So everyone ate very well before Constance rang her chimes and summoned us into the living room for the Reflection.

This time we discussed the Ten Keys to Happiness, by Deepak Chopra. We brought up and discussed the points that struck a chord with us. Several of us brought up the difficulty of avoiding anger at a person or circumstance, as well as how hard it is not to pass judgment.

Kurt explained the "keys" in greater detail. He pointed out that some of them have been made into cliches that really aren't accurate. For instance he said, there's an idea floating around out there that whatever makes you angry in another person is also a fault or failing of your own. He said, that's not what is really meant. It is more that when we react angrily to something, it is because we are carrying files in our mind from past hurtful experiences, and we are acting out of fear that this current situation is the same and will result in the same hurt. So yes, when we get angry at someone we are struggling with ourselves, but it does not mean that we have the same characteristic that is upsetting us. It is the internal files we are struggling with.

As far as judgment, Kurt said, it's different from discernment. There's nothing wrong with being able to discern that something is attractive, something else is unattractive, etc. There is also nothing wrong with perceiving something in society that is causing a problem and needs to be changed. I was glad to hear his explanation because in the past I have thought that the "nonjudgment" ideal meant we shouldn't strive to change anything. Kurt said that someone (forget the name) has said, "Everything is perfect as it is, but it can always be made better."

Another Key to Happiness people were struck by was the one about being the sole judge of our own worth, and that we can relinquish the need for external approval. We discussed this in relation to understanding the source of a critical remark: is it meant constructively, or does it grow out of envy? We also talked about society pushing children into highly competitive situations at a very young age (five year olds in soccer games, with the parents sitting there pushing their kids to victory), and about the difficulties faced by celebrities, who depend on external approval for their daily bread and butter.

I appreciate everyone's comments and insights, and I am very grateful that Kurt continues to lead these Reflections. Kurt is a theologian and environmentalist who moves in circles that most of us only hear about. He's discussed spiritual issues with some of the best-known spiritual leaders, and he brings back the insights he has gained to our Brooklyn Humanist Community. Much gratitude to Kurt!